bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
