You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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