rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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