Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
