What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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