It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
