The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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