I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
false alarm. still invincible.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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