Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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