I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
