I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
