remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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