Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The air taste purple.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
