so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
