Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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