I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
