The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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