but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
