How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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