If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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