Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
