Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
