What did we do last night that was yellow?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am available for nakedness
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
