u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
