How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
