i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
