Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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