Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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