Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
