He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
