whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
