We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
