Yo dont text me then not text me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
