I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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