I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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