Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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