Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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