I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
