Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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