420 ftw
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How's work?
Spinning.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
