i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
