just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
