thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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