there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
