is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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