If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
