hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
