Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
