I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
