Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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