Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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