She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
