i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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