you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
