So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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