Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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