I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
