yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
