I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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