party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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