God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
