you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
